I ignore him and get closer to prevent being seen if the cruiser were to stop at the alleyway opening.
“ I DON’T WANT ANY TROUBLE,” snarls the old man.
I look at him and stop worrying about the cops when I identify the puncture marks in his arms.
“I have money, and I have pills, you can have it all if you get me what I’m looking for,” I say to him.
The old man looks at me with an awful scowl and then his face begins to transform into a toothless grin.
“Well why didn’t you say so, I haven’t eaten in days and could use a hot meal,” he says.
The old man reaches into the pocket of his dirty, ripped up track pants and pulls out a tiny baggy of a brownish powder.
“How much ya got?” asks the old man.
I reach into my pocket with my left hand and pull out the $250 in cash and hand it to him. He takes it.
“What else ya got?” he asks, as he continues to smile at me.
I can tell by the look on his face that he knows that I’m desperate, and based on my physical state he must feel fairly confident that I’m not much of a threat.
“Here”, I say.
I empty my left pocket of the bottles of pills, then with my left hand reach over to my right pocket and drop those bottles in his lap as well. I then aggressively snatch the bag of powdered gold out of his hand.
“I need a needle,” I say.
The old man reaches into his left pocket, and pulls out a brand new needle, still in the package.
“You’re lucky, this is the last of my stuff,” he says.
I scoff at him and say, with this money, and all those pills that you can sell, you will be able to get five times the amount you have in this little bag.”
I grab the needle out of his hand and proceed to walk away as fast as I can and don’t look back.
The sun is steadily rising higher and higher into the sky and the birds are starting to sing triumphantly.
I need to find a place away from this area that I can go that will be private. Up in the distance I can see a bridge.
I feel my excitement rise as I stagger across the road and down towards the bridge. I get to a hill that I need to climb down to get underneath the bridge. I look around, and decide that the best way to do this without injuring myself even more is to slide down on my ass.
I sit down and start to push myself forward with my left arm and pull myself forward with my legs. I begin to descend down the hill and before I get to the bottom I stand up on my feet and slow my momentum to a stop. Other than the sounds of nature, it is a very quiet and fairly warm mid-December morning. There isn’t even any snow on the ground yet. I am not entirely sure what time it is, but if I had to take a guess I would say somewhere between 6:30am and 8:00am.
When I get under the bridge, I put my back to the wall and sit down on the ground. The cool sensation of the stone wall feels good on my sweaty back. I look over at my arm to see that the blood has already begun to dry.
I smell terrible, and I am certain that my arm is nastily infected, but I don’t really care. The only thing that I care about is that I’ve FINALLY attained what I desire.
It’s like a dream: think of all of those people who wish they were rich, or were attractive, or had a fancy house, or whatever! That’s what they want more than anything in the world, and if they attained that dream, that thing that they wanted most, they would be temporarily, undeniably content with their life.
That’s exactly how I feel right now.
I take a lighter and an old spoon out of my back pocket to start preparing myself for my medication. I shake the lighter, and lucky for me, I can feel that it is still at least half full. I pull out my spoon and it’s kind of dirty. I go to wipe it off on my shirt to see that my shirt is even nastier, so I just blow on the spoon to clean some of the crud off. I then carefully empty the packet the old man gave me into the spoon. I look closely at the substance, smell it, and gently touch it to my tongue.
I smile to myself thinking of the old man. He may have ripped me off, but at least he gave me some good stuff. In my eyes, it’s worth it.
I put the handle of the spoon filled with the powder carefully in my mouth.
Once I am sure that it is balanced, I ignite the lighter underneath the spoon and begin the melting process. Once it is all melted down, I continue to balance the spoon in my mouth, and with my hand take out the package with the syringe in it. I pull at the perforation in the package to open it, push the needle all the way down to set it, put it to the spoon, and carefully begin to extract the substance from the spoon into the needle using my fingers to slowly to move pull up a little bit at a time. You can only imagine what this would look like had someone seen me.
With a broken arm, taking my medication is quite the difficult, tedious task, but it’s worth it.
Once I complete this process, I get to the hardest part; finding a good vein.
The worst thing about this part is that if you don’t do it right, you can waste your score. Lucky for me, because I am so skinny, it is fairly easy for me to find a vein, particularly in my arms and the tops of my hands.
I can’t manage to find a way to put the needle into a vein in my good arm, so I am forced to find a vein in my broken arm. I fear the pain that I am about to feel, but know that it is temporary and will be worth it. I find a fat, juicy vein that resembles a worm just above the top of my forearm, where my elbow connects my upper arm and lower arm. Up and to the right of the vein is where a bone sticks out from my arm. I quiver at the sight of it.
I push off.
Like once again being in the womb, I feel absolute warmth, security, and at ease. No fears, anxieties, pressures, or pains. I smile in the fetal position sucking my thumb as I prepare to embrace the warm rush of liquid gold slowly slithering through my ice-cold veins. It’s been days since I’ve pushed off, and the realization that I’ve found my fix temporarily impedes my destructive, neurotic thoughts. The pain in my arm and the pain in my foot quickly dissipate.
Absolute Bliss. Absolute Satisfaction.